Camp Nelson

I take pictures every time we visit Jack.  Here is what I have so far. 

I started taking pictures at this angle and I love how they turned out.

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

Yes, she always plays with the flowers.

 

 

 

 

Memorial Day

 

 

November 1

It came and went without a blog.  Why would I blog on this day?  Well, for one it had been 4 months since I lost my sweet little boy and two it was the beginning of Epilepsy Awareness month. 

It almost hurts to see my friends on Facebook post about the start of the month.  That I don't have my little warrior here.  He may have had cerebral palsy but his epilepsy was the one thing that we battled everyday.  The worst seizures to have, Infantile Spasms then Lennox Gastaut Syndrome.  During the last year his seizures changed.  He was having fewer but they were so much worse, classified as tonic seizures.  His body would stiffen, his arms would cross in front and he would cry out like it hurt.  It was horrible to watch but I assume that it was even more horrible to experience.  But he recovered so quickly, like the strong little man that he was.  So brave.  I HATED watching him go through those.  He had started a new medicine in January 2012 and it helped so much.  Even with it, his seizures were still so bad.  Who knows what they would have been like if he wasn't on three anti-seizure meds. 

On the four month anniversary, Sarah and I did go visit Jack.  We were on our way back from Lexington, it was a little cold but the sun was shinning. 

She did really good this and didn't run off.

She was standing at the headstone beside Jack's saying Jack.  I
told her this one is Jack so she came over and did the same thing
to his.

Stealing his flowers.

 

Busy

So I took a break.  A break from facebook, blogging even instagram.  I didn't really do it on purpose but I think I needed it.  I've also been pretty busy.  

Of course I've been chasing Sarah around everywhere.  She's climbing on everything.  She pushed a chair up to the counter and got in the kitchen drawer.  Oh boy to I have a curious little girl.  She had her 15 month check up earlier this month.  All went well.  She's on the petite side but the doctor said as long as she gains weight then she will be fine.  She walked up the stairs at the pediatricians office about 10 times and would have kept doing it if we hadn't left. 

Such a stink!

So independent

Her doctor is the same one that Jack saw.  When she first came in she acted like she recognized me but thought it was because of Sarah.  A little later she asked if I had other children and I reminded her of Jack and then she remembered everything.  We talked a little about what happened, she said she had been thinking about us and wondered if she would ever get to see me again.  It was difficult going back to her but also I felt comfort in knowing that we were on her mind.

I've started working again.  It feels good to get out there but I missed that little girl.  I had to get big hugs before I left. 

She gives the BEST hugs!



Since I'm working in Lexington I got to visit Jack's tree and the cemetery.  It was gorgeous both days. 

In front of Jack's tree at the Arboretum

Exploring

My babies

I love the fall colors in the background

I saw a grief counselor for the first time.  I really feel like she will help me work through all of my thoughts and emotions.  I've had such a good experience with social workers in the past and I know that talking through things will really help me.  

Visiting Jack

Yesterday Sarah and I took a trip to Nicholasville to visit Jack.  It was a beautiful day and I wanted to take Jack his butterfly that Alli from Butterflies for Courageous Kids made for him.  Here are the pictures from the trip.