I didn't know

Jack's passing was sudden.  I didn't know that Saturday June 30, 2012 would be my last day with him.  I didn't know when I put him to bed that it would be the last time he would sleep in our home.  I thought I had many day, months, years to spend with him. 

I didn't know that his first Christmas being a big brother would be his last. Or that he only had a short time with us after Sarah's first birthday. That this would be the last picture that I took of him alive.

It's blurry because I was trying to take a pic of me feeding him.
The next one is better.

See much better.  Letting him taste kiwi for the
first time.

I can't say that I would do anything different because I can't change the past.  I don't think about trying to change it.  I have to live now or I would be an absolute mess. 

His birthday is exactly one month away.  I dread that day.  I don't get to kiss those sweet cheeks or hold his little fat hand.  We have constant reminders of him but holidays are the worst. 

For his birthday John, I and many friends are going to be running the Nashville Rock n Roll Marathon and Half Marathon in memory of Jack.  The training has really helped keep me focused and gets me in the gym.  Yesterday I finished 9 miles.  It may have taken me over two hours but I felt great after. 

Here is the back of the shirt we will be wearing.

Who knew that I would actually want to run 13.1 miles but I do.  Only for my boy!