I went back to the hospital where Jack was pronounced dead. This was the first time and I have been putting it off. Sarah needed her 12 month shots and I even thought about going somewhere else. But I did it. My heart was racing, my hands were sweating and my head felt like it was under water. I didn't cry and I didn't turn around. I felt like I've accomplished a lot today.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Monday, September 27, 2010
I had a few things that needed to be fixed in the house today. The guy that came has been here a few times now and I have told him a little about Jack before. While he was here I got the delivery from Walgreen's for all of Jack's feeding pump supplies and formula. He asked how Jack was doing and I told him the truth, that he is 17 months but developmentally he's around 2-3 months but that he just started the ketogenic diet and his seizures have decreased from 50 a day to about 15. Then I went on to tell him about all the therapies that he has been receiving since he was a month old. That's when he said it, "you're a really great mom, I don't know how you do it."
To me it's just what I was meant to do. I was meant to be Jackson's mom. (Yes, I got that from Forrest Gump) To me this is normal. We might have hard days (or nights) and he can't hold his head up but this is Jackson and I just do what feels right to me. Love him!
Sunday, August 26, 2012
I miss you so much little man. I've tried to write this blog 5 times but every attempt failed. My brain is so unorganized. I'm even wondering if it was too early for me to start writing again. How can I tell others what I am feeling if I can't even express them to myself. So until I can get my thoughts organized here are a couple of my favorite pictures of J.
|I love how his hand is on the ottoman.|
|Snuggling with mommy. He was in a bad mood that|
night so I picked him and he started smiling. He
let me know that he wanted to me cuddled.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Well it's been almost a year since I have blogged. The other day I was having a low moment and found myself typing jackspeanut.blogspot.com on my phone. I knew that the blog didn't exist but I guess I felt comfort in doing it. The website said that the name was available so I immediately logged back in. There was nothing saved on here so I am having to start all over. It's kind of plain right now but I will fix that in time.
I wanted somewhere to write my thoughts down. I am also going to have "Memory Mondays" where I post my old blogs that I have saved. One a week until they are all on here. This will be a way for me to keep Jack's memory close. I put Jack's History on the top of the page and will add pages in time. Right now it's a work in progress, just somewhere for me to organize my thoughts.
I'm going to keep this blog short and simple. More to come later.